That all powerful goddess in my head decided that she needed to put her two cents in on the matter.
She and I have never communicated normally. Sometimes she’s just a voice in my head, guiding me where I need to go. Sometimes she can show herself, depending on where we are. Usually, though, she just communicates emotionally. It’s kind of like that gut feeling, the one you know you should follow.
This time she decided she wanted to have a little sit down with me in a place where I couldn’t get away.
In my dreams.
The room she had designed for herself was fairly plain, but comfortable. The space was bathed in warm, orange light, and the floor was covered in red and brown pillows.
Juktha, my own personal inner goddess, sat cross legged on one of the pillows, her hands resting in her lap.
I stood in the doorway, slightly confused that someone had managed to redecorate the inside of my brain.
“You didn’t think you would start this journey without talking to me, did you?” She smiled and motioned for me to sit across from her.
“I don’t know. You’ve been pretty quiet recently.” I plopped down across from her, and was surprised that I could actually feel myself landing on the plush surface of a large, round pillow.
“I speak when I need to. Goddesses aren’t much for wasting words.” She watched me, her eyes calm and welcoming.
“I take it you have a bad feeling about this particular case.” I took a deep breath, and the smell of warm vanilla filled my nostrils. It was hard to be worried when everything around me was forcing me to be relaxed.
“I know you do.” Her smile faded. “You need to have confidence that we can face this together.”
“I guess I can never really let go of doubt.” I let out a half laugh. “I know, it’s very human of me.”
“Yet you forget that you aren’t human. Not entirely. I do not just reside in you, I am you. Down to your genetics. Though we are both separate entities, we are joined. By fate, by chance and by choice.” She reached out, her hand resting on mine. “We both chose this path because we are two pieces that were made to fit together, to fight together.”
Her words made me feel better. Sometimes it’s nice to have your own personal Yoda.
“What about Kurt? He works for that company. A company, I don’t really trust. The last time I put him in danger, and I wasn’t even trying to involve him.” I could feel a lump in my throat growing. The idea of every intentionally putting Kurt into harm’s way terrified me. “This time he’s involved whether I like it or not.”
“He just as much a part of you as I am.” She gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “Your instincts are telling you to protect him for a reason.”
“I just wish I knew what that reason was.” My sense of calm was fading.
“Sometimes someone is safest when they are close to you.” She stood. “Take those words as you will.”
“Do you have any idea what we are going to face? Do you see anything past what I know?” I wasn’t proud of the pleading sound in my voice, but the uncertainty was driving me nuts.
“The important thing is, we can handle it.” She leaned forward and kissed my forehead gently. “Now, it’s time for you to wake up.”
I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again I was lying in bed, my head resting on Kurt’s chest. I could see sunlight breaking through the partially closed drapes.
I gave him a gentle squeeze and took a deep breath. I wasn’t positive, but I swear I could still smell the faint aroma of vanilla in the room.
I just had to remind myself that this is where I needed to be. This is what I needed to be doing. No matter what my fears my tell me, the truth was that this was a path that only I could follow.
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