Monday, December 7, 2015

Accidental Demon Slayers: Elves of Darkness pt. 1 of 4

There are things in this world that should not exist, and yet they do, and they always seem to find their way into the small town of Wheaton.  Maybe the town was built on an old Indian burial ground, or maybe a hell mouth existed under the school.  Most likely it was because of some of the people who lived there. 

One of those things that shouldn’t exist stood in the parking lot of a building that housed two of those people.  That thing looked innocent enough. It looked like a little girl in a bright green dress, with a bright red cape.  Standing in the snow she looked perfectly in season, a child done up for the impending Christmas celebrations.  But if you looked closely, really closely you could tell there was something off about her.  It was in the way her smile seemed to pull too tight, and her eyes glittered with something that could only be described as pure mischief. 

That demon in little girl drag had a present for two of the residents in that building.  If the other residents got in on the fun, then all the better.  All she had to do was deliver her gift, and that night was the perfect night to give those two naughty boys a very scary present.

-*-

Bobby sat at the small kitchen table, the gifts he had bought for everyone spread out in front of him.  The Christmas shopping never seemed to be all that hard for him, but the wrapping was a different story.  The gifts he had gotten this year hadn’t helped any. 

He was one of those people who enjoyed shopping with a theme.  One year it was toys, the other books.  This year it was sharp, stabby things.  In his line of work you could never have enough sharp, stabby things. 

As he hefted the battle axe off the table, wondering if he had bought a gift bag big enough to conceal it, he could hear the little, comforting voice inside his head pipe up. 

“Who’s that for?” Juktha asked. 

He turned the axe in his hand, his eyes examining the razor sharp edge of the rounded blade. “Clare. She doesn’t have one, and she constantly talks about how she wants one, so…”

“I don’t know how effective it would be on an actual demon.” Juktha pushed forward a bit in his mind, expanding to his eyes, sharing his vision.

“Oh, this isn’t for demons.” He put the axe down. “This is for her husband. Apparently battle axes are one of her family’s secrets in keeping a good marriage.”
“Huh…” Juktha looked at the axe again. “Makes sense.”

Picking up a red bow with an adhesive bottom he placed it on the blade of the axe. “Perfect.” He glanced at the other weapons scattered across the table. “Now, do you wrap a katana, or is that considered offensive?”

-*-

Kurt was pulling his grocery bags out of their car when he spotted old Mrs. Whip trudging through the still unplowed parking lot of their building.  He ducked his head down, hoping that the old biddy hadn’t seen him.

Although Mrs. Whip looked like the kindly old widow, inside she was a nasty piece of work.  Kurt couldn’t believe that so much hate could live in one person, but every time he had to deal with her, she proved that it was possible.

“You trying to hide from me, boy?” Her voice crackled through the crisp winter air like electricity, and Kurt could feel his skin begin to pucker into gooseflesh.

He stood up, all six feet four inches of him, holding a large grocery bag in one hand. “Nope, just unloading the car.” He forced a smile. “How’s your day going Mrs. Whip?”

“Goddam retards down at the grocery store still don’t have my order in.  Mailman is a dumbass who always seems to drop my packages in the snow, I got weirdo faggots for neighbors, and my hemorrhoids are acting up.” She glared at him. “I’m fucking peachy.”

Kurt didn’t know if he should laugh or wince at the words spilling out of her mouth.  “Well, nothing that a little egg nog and topical ointment couldn’t help. “Kurt snatched up the last of the grocery bags and closed the car door.  “I should be getting inside.  My weirdo, faggot boyfriend gets worried if I take too long.”

Without waiting for a reply from Mrs. Whip, Kurt started into the building, not bothering to hold the door for her.  She seemed to love to complain, so why not just add one more thing to the list.

-*-

As the sun began to set on the little town of Wheaton something began to stir under the snow. It was faint, almost imperceptible, but the Little Demon Girl knew exactly what it was.  She had called on them, in fact. 

A little green hat popped out of the snow mound in front of her, then another, and another.  Soon, small, clawed hands were crawling their way out of the white, powdery mounds that lined the parking lot, revealing pointed, smiling faces with rosy cheeks and razor sharp teeth. 

She clapped her hands at the sight of the little green and red clad creatures.

“Elves,” she giggled. “It wouldn’t be Christmas without some Elves!” She clapped her hands and pointed towards the apartment building. “Now go, my little ones, and spread some holiday fear in the only way you know how.”


The little elves clapped their hands and stomped their bell tipped feet.  Oh, they would spread Christmas fear all right, and as they gnashed their sharp little teeth and sharpened their pointy little claws, they thought of all the ways they could decorate a Christmas tree with human body parts.

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