We had made it out of
Kurt’s office before the police had arrived.
No one had notice that we were missing.
Most of them were still in shock.
I knew how they
felt.
Driving home, Kurt
sitting in the front passenger seat, and Ashtyn in the back, I found it hard to
concentrate on the road. Kurt’s skin was
caked in blood, and dried, blue slime seemed to cover his entire hand. He didn’t speak, barely moved. Instead he just looked out the window,
watching as the world passed us by.
When we made it back to
our apartment, no one spoke. Ashtyn went
to the couch, lying down. She closed her
eyes, and I think she fell asleep, but I couldn’t be sure. Kurt made his way to the bathroom, and in
seconds I could hear the shower running.
Is this what it had been
like with me since…
I know I had shut everyone
out. I had completely shut down. It wasn’t by choice. I just couldn’t bring myself to
function. Everyone had tried to get to
me, to talk to me, to get me to talk to them, but I just couldn’t do it. Not even Juktha could get me to open up, because
I didn’t fully understand what I was supposed to say.
How did I explain how
powerless I felt? Not only had I lost my
strength, by I had been unable to fight of Grath’s tentacles. For the longest time I had been the strongest
member in the group. I had the power of
a goddess on my side, and she seemed able to do anything. Yet, in that moment, as I was suspended in
the air, Grath’s tentacles probing my body, I could do nothing. That power I had relied on was gone, because
it had never truly been mine in the first place.
I was weak.
As I approached the
bathroom door, I still didn’t know what to do, or what to say. I couldn’t figure out my own pain. How was I supposed to help anyone else with
theirs? I gently pushed the door open,
and stepped into the bathroom.
Kurt stood there,
naked. Even the skin that had been
covered by his clothes was stained red.
He was looking down at his hands, at the pile of clothes at his feet. He seemed frozen in place, his limbs unable
to move.
“I’m not going to ask if
you’re okay.” I approached him slowly,
keeping my hands at my side. “I know
you’re not. None of us are.”
I wanted to reach out and
touch him, but in that moment, looking at him as the shock was settling into
his brain, I doubted that even my touch would help.
He looked at me, the
muscles in his face tight. He was trying
not to cry. Even after everything he had
been through, and everything he had witnessed, he was trying to stay strong. I could see his shoulders shake as he choked
back the sobs.
Who was he staying strong
for? For me?
My body responded before
my mind even had a chance to think. I
walked over to him, wrapped my arms around him, and kissed his forehead. He clung to me, the tears finally free to run
down his blood soaked cheeks. He didn’t
speak, he just… cried.
I held him close, unable
to let him go. I needed him. I needed him to be okay, to not feel the pain
and the loss that he was feeling at that moment. I needed him to scream at me, to blame me for
getting him involved in this whole fucked up situation. I needed him to hit me, to yell at me, and
call me a bastard, and blame me for everything he had endured. It was my fault. It was all my fault.
He didn’t hit me, or yell
at me. He didn’t curse me, and kick me
out. He just held me, and he cried. Then he kissed me, softly. I could feel the warm wet tears on his
cheeks, and I could feel his body trembling, not from excitement, but from fear
and sadness.
I undressed, and we both
stepped into the shower. We didn’t make
love. Neither of us was in the mood, not
after what we had witnessed. Still,
touching him in that moment felt more intimate then sex ever could. I wasn’t touching him because I wanted to
arouse him. I was touching him because I
wanted to heal him, to let him know that everything would be all right. I knew it was a lie, but as we stood there
under the stream of hot water, I wanted to believe that lie, and more
importantly, I wanted him to believe it.
After the last of the
blood was washed away, I led Kurt to the bedroom, and lay next to him. He fell asleep within minutes, the exhaustion
overtaking him. I stayed by his side,
watching him. I watched as his side rose
and fell with each inhale and exhale of his breath. I touched his cheek, feeling the warmth of
his life against my fingertips. Soon I
drifted off to sleep myself, but I was always aware of his warmth next to
me.
I found myself back in
that familiar room, Juktha’s room. The
walls were now a dark, rusty brown, and the floor pink marble. Windows opened out to a softly churning
ocean, and I could smell the sweet, salty water as it wafted through the
breeze.
Two large, red pillows
were set on the floor across from each other.
Juktha sat in the far one, and I sat myself down opposite her.
“It’s been a while since
you’ve been here.” Her voice was soft,
sweet. She smiled, looking at me not as
the goddess that she was, but as the protector she now saw herself as. “I was worried you would never return.”
“I needed time.” I glanced out the window, looking at the
stunning blue sky. “I still need time,
but it’s looking like time is not a luxury that I have anymore.”
“You will heal,
eventually.” She reached out, placing
her hand on my knee. “You have Kurt by
your side. He is the one who was
destined to keep you whole.”
I looked at her, and I
could feel the anger building up inside of me.
“Who is supposed to heal him? After what he saw… How can I heal
that? I can hardly protect him anymore. I couldn’t stop Megan. I couldn’t save those people in his office,
and I sure as hell couldn’t have spared him having to witness that… that
slaughter.”
“You heal each
other.” She sighed. “It is not some divine power I am talking
about. You two have survived because of
each other, because of the love you share. I know that you are still unsure of
yourself, of your own strength, but you have it. Your strength is the need to protect the ones
you love.”
“How can I protect them
when the one who is trying to kill them can just drain your power?” I stood up, walking to the window. I didn’t want to be angry with her. She didn’t deserve it.
“Yes, Grath can drain me
of my power, but only when we are in his domain.” Juktha stood as well, walking towards
me. “We will not make the same mistake
the next time we face him.”
I turned, meeting her
eyes. “And where, exactly, is this grand battle going to take place?”
“I do not know. We must ask Tabitha.” Juktha sighed. “She is the daughter of Grath, and myself, which
means that she shares a connection with both of us. She is the only one who can tell us where he
is hiding, but I doubt she realizes it yet.”
“There is one other
option.” I took a step towards
Juktha. “We find Elizabeth.”
“Don’t.” She shook her head. “Vengeance will not solve this problem. If
you face Elizabeth, you know as well as I do, that it will lead only to more
violence, and I ask you, do you really want human blood on your hands?”
I hated to admit it, but
the idea of taking out Elizabeth seemed so perfect. She was a psychotic bitch who never thought
twice about taking someone’s life.
Taking her out would be a public service.
Juktha’s brow
furrowed. She had heard my
thoughts. “Do you know why Grath is the
way he is? His hosts did exactly what
you are thinking of now. They used their
powers to dole out the justice that they felt the criminals deserved. That hatred burned hot in them, and it corrupted
Grath. Do you want to become a monster,
just like him? Do you want to become
what you hate the most? If you go after her, you will kill her. I know that much. Her death will open up something inside of
you that can never be closed. If you
take that step you will never be the same again. A part of what makes you good will be gone
forever. Are you willing to sacrifice
that?”
Her words hit me like a
punch to the gut.
“So, how do we get
Tabitha to reveal Grath’s location?” I looked away from Juktha, ashamed that I
had even considered taking a life.
Still, in the back of my
mind, the idea still seemed to fester.
Elizabeth deserved to be taken out.
I pushed the thought
away, burying it deep inside of me. I
had to focus.
Juktha watched me. She seemed unsure of me. “We need to enter Tabitha’s realm. Even though she is my daughter, she is
unknown to me. She will not feel
comfortable entering your mindscape.
Once there, I can work with her, help her develop her powers.”
“Can she be
trusted?” I hated asking the question,
but I knew I needed to ask it.
“I’m not sure.” Juktha sighed. “We don’t have many other options, do
we?”
I nodded. As much as I wanted Elizabeth to pay for what
she had done, I knew that Juktha’s plan was the best.
I couldn’t risk letting
my need for revenge getting in the way of doing what was best for my
friends. For the time being I needed to
push my own pain aside, and fight for what mattered most, the people I
love.
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